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cinnamontblanc

not active here!
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I've been so inactive here...I'm so sorry  Q v Q;;;

also I'm already 18 years old wowee

If you wanna see me live shitposting & uploading drawings more frequently, I'd recommend my Twitter~

I hope you guys have been doing well - and Happy Halloween! :pumpkin:

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People are actually hurt by this, because they love you and don't want to see you in pain and hating yourself. Even if it's not your immediate family, there is always someone - no, multiple people - who care about you and want the best for you.

It took me far too long to realise this - in fact, I didn't realise it until I saw my younger brother crying because of it. For me, this really says something, because hardly anything makes him cry, let alone from emotional pain. And it then that I felt really terrible - because one of the things I try to do, more than anything, is avoid hurting people, whether physically or emotionally.
For a long time, I'd convinced myself that self-harm was the best way to cope because it didn't physically hurt anyone else...and in fact, no one in my immediate family seemed overly upset about it. But it was because - and my stepmum admitted this - that they were treating the issue too gently, like they were treading on eggshells. I only realised tonight that my stepmum and my dad were really upset about it, to the point where my dad ended up bandaging my wrists for me, after finding out that I'd cut my wrists again after a huge drama. 
My friends who knew about it had visibly expressed being upset before, and even offered me suggestions about alternatives to self-harm...which I was grateful for, but I kept forgetting or not paying attention to when I was actually in pain. Because at the times I deliberately hurt myself, it was because I felt the need to punish myself for things I convinced myself that I'd done. I'd always been convincing myself that it was my fault whenever my family and friends were upset, no matter what evidence there was to go against it, to tell me that it wasn't my fault.

Basically, my mindset for a long time has been things like: "It's my fault." "If I recover from depression and anxiety, will I become ignorant to people's problems?" "I'm a nuisance." "It doesn't matter what I do to myself anymore."

Now that I've finally come to terms with the fact that self-harm does hurt people, and that's the only thing I've been doing wrong, I'm going to try and make a promise to myself, and my friends and family, and everyone else.

From this day forward, I'll do my best to find alternatives to self-harm, and I'll be more active in my search for ways to improve my self-esteem.

To my immediate family - Mum, Dad, Kim, John and Ian - I'm sorry for doing this to myself. I've only realised tonight that it hurt you guys, and I'll do my best not to do it again.
To my not-so-immediate family - Grandad, Billy, Aunty Caroline - even though I rarely or never talked about this with you guys, I'm sorry.
To my two stepbrothers - Jesse and Cody - honestly, you two make me angry and upset a lot. But I'm going to do my best to find respect for you again, because you're human beings and you deserve to be treated as such. Heck, you two have a lot of potential to become better people - and I hope to see you make use of it.
To my closest friends in person - Emma, Lauren and Eden - I'm sorry for taking what you said for granted. I can't apologise enough for this, and I promise that I'll do my best not to do this again. I love you guys so much, and I'm happy that you've been here for me and actively trying to help me.
To my other friends that I've met in person - not just at school, but in many places - again, even though I never discussed this with you guys, I'm sorry. And I'm also grateful that you've been here for me, and so kind to me. To those from school: I'm going to find those letters from the Year 10 and 11 camps, and put them on my bedroom walls so that I can look at them for a long time. And if they fall off the wall, I'll put them back again.
To my friends that I've met online - Amy, Micky, DJ, Aither, Piano and Cesil - I rarely or never discussed this with you guys, and I'm sorry. But I'm going to do my best to recover, and be a better friend to you guys. I hope that there'll be a day soon where I can meet all of you guys in person.
To my followers on DeviantART, Tumblr, Twitter, and other social media sites - to really active commenters like Tyson and Samurai, and people who don't talk to me - thank you for being so kind to me. The fact that there are a lot of people who like my art and other silly creations is really wonderful. 81 watchers on deviantART and 82 followers on Tumblr might seem like a small number to some people - but thinking about it, that's more than the number of students enrolled in the degree that I'm doing at university right now. The fact that there are people, who I haven't met in person, who really like my stuff - it makes me really happy, more than I could possibly put into words. And you know what? I'm going to do my best to recover, so that I can make more wonderful things for you guys.

If there's anyone I've missed - since my memory tends to slip at times - thank you to you too. Yes - even to you, who's reading this line right now. Thank you so much. :heart:

To anyone who's struggling with self-harm or anything else that's hurting them, don't give up. You have so much to live for, even if you can't see what's around the corner right now. Do your best to keep going, because even if it takes a long time, there's always something - or someone - waiting for you. And by someone, it could be anyone - a friend, family member, romantic partner (if you're interested, that is) - absolutely anyone.

No matter how long it takes, you can make it. If I made it up to this point, where I've finally found a reason to recover, then you can too.

I love you. :heart:
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Yep...I've got my first uni class tomorrow, on the 9th March!  8D

I'm undertaking a Bachelor of Digital Media, so I'll be studying things like animation, video production, website design and journalism ;w; which I'm really looking forward to! And I should be able to incorporate the things I learn into my own art ; 7 ;

I'll be busy with this program, but it shouldn't be nearly as time-consuming as high school! I have four classes - one on Monday, two on Tuesday and one on Friday. Each one goes for two hours, so while I'll likely have to do a lot of study for it, I should have a lot more free time than I did in high school! 

I'll probably be logging onto here, and other sites like Twitter, though the campus WiFi a lot more - and hopefully spending more time in a different environment will help me improve my art, and also my health.

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Prrrrrromotion

4 min read
My friend :iconclearlymachine: really needs some money to help him out with real-life expenses, and he's currently offering PayPal commissions.

<da:thumb id="508932317"/>

He draws mainly humans/humanoid characters, but it seems that he'll accept furries/anthro too. Here are a few examples of his art:


silly boy by clearlymachine<da:thumb id="500307397"/><da:thumb id="483630193"/>
<da:thumb id="503175245"/> i hate kids, really i do by clearlymachine

Mature Content

chatterbox by clearlymachine

throw it again throw it again by clearlymachine<da:thumb id="508867382"/>

Mature Content

shutter by clearlymachine


If you have some money to spare and you're able to commission Machine, that'd be great!  8 v 8

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Thanks for all the requests! At this point in time, I think I'll be doing all of them, since there were only 6 of them - and this is a nice manageable number for me! ` v `
At this point in time, they should all be completed within the next week or two! I've already started on one of them  c:




I'd like to open up commissions soon, but there's a few things about my current art style that I'd like to fine-tune before doing so ; v ;
I don't really want to use my own OCs for practice, since I draw them a lot already @ v @

So I'm going to open up a few drawing requests here, for practice at drawing unfamiliar characters! Please read this whole journal before sending me one, though!



Please note that this is a practice thing, so these requests will either be:
a) detailed pencil sketches
or b) pen+ink drawings (they may be coloured with copic markers or coloured pencils)

It'll depend on what I feel like drawing, and what I feel will suit the character most - but either way, they take around the same amount of time and effort ;v;



Please read these rules before sending me your request!

:bulletred: Original characters only, please! (fan characters are acceptable, but I'll be very, very picky about them - please don't ask me to draw recolours/pitchloids!)
:bulletred: Only one (1) character per request (no couples, sorry!)
:bulletred: I'll draw any kind of character - though I heavily prefer drawing humans, and if you ask me to draw complex (e.g. a robot), I may not do the best job at it ;; so I'd only recommend requesting something like this if you really trust me enough to give it a go
:bulletred: If you want me to draw a sonic character, please note that I'll probably draw them in a more "original" style, rather than the traditional 'mobian' style - I personally feel that this style encourages same-face syndrome to some extent, which is why I generally lean towards "original" anthro characters more



This is not a first-come first-serve thing. I'll be choosing five characters, possibly more if I feel like I can handle it - so please don't be upset if I don't pick your character! ;;

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Featured

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